Skinopsis

It's not his nose that grows, folks!

Carved from a tree trunk by the beautiful, lonely (and handy) Gepetta (sexploitation star Monica Gayle) and given life by a bumbling fairy godmother (Dyanne Thorne of Ilsa fame) with a knack for making her clothes magically disapear, this particuliar Pinocchio comes equipped with a wood dill that grows bigger and bigger whenever he is unfaithful to Gepetta.

Uhhh... Aside from the obvious threat of splinters, is this whole big, growing wooden woody thing really a problem? We get fifty some odd emails a day pushing penis enlarging products. Obviously, this is a not only a good thing as far as the internet is concerned, it's like the only thing (Aside from those wonderful TLA Raw emails of course, they ain't just good - You need them!)

Anyway, it's not long before the young, dashing lumber-turned-ladies' man gets himself all kinds of action. Accordingly, his magic member keeps growing and growing until the freak phallus must be 'logged' around on a baby carriage?! Eeek!

Admittedly inconvenient and a tad weird, but if the guy's biggest problem is too many hot, horny chicks to hump and a mutant dick afflicted with Elephantitus - than you'll have to excuse us if we don't cry him a river. Even R. Kelly had to hide in a closet for a verse and he's R. fucking Kelly! Meanwhile, you got this glorified nutcracker upping his Magnum size everytime he sleeps around on his (very, very hot) girlfriend. It's just not right.

At least there's sex and nudity from the likes of the legendary Uschi Digard (in a short-yet-sweet lesbo scene), and the aforementioned Monica Gayle and 'Fairy Godmother I'd Like to Fuck' Dyanne Thorne, plus Debbie Osborne and Russ Meyers' Vixen Vincene Wallace.

-- Paul James