Buy The Nude Vampire on DVD | Mr. Skin's Celebrity Nudity Movie Reviews

SKINOPSIS

Ah sweet, sweet artsploitation. See, in a normal exploitation movie most of the naked girls are revealed either having sex and getting changed. In artsploitation, their bare tits are loaded with symbolic meaning. Take The Nude Vampire, the girls seem to be constantly getting naked for some deep symbolic meaning that has something to do with the weird cult of badly-dressed rich men that that the movie centers itself around. Instead of sexual nudity, here we have girls totally naked except for a ritualistic towel on their heads (no we're not making this up) and a pair of girls who wear these giant modern-art-Christmas-decoration-looking fixtures on their nipples which, of course, their rich men handlers can adjust to either reveal tit or not (although why they would ever set it to not mode is beyond this. Don't get us wrong, it's not that the men in the movie aren't getting off or objectifying these women, it's that there's almost always a kinky or straight-up bizarre twist on it. From the strippers in strange costumes to the black girl who does the bush-revealing animalistic dance routine for a painter while menacingly rubbing these giant gold press-on fingernails that are about half the size of Crocodile Dundee's machete all over her tits. So, in short, yes it's self-indulgent, yes it's creepy and yes it's totally hot.

-- Rick Stanko