Santa Claws

SKINOPSIS

It's just a harmless, fun Christmas song, that is until it happens to you! Imagine actually experiencing the trauma and pain of bearing witness to your own whore of a mother not only kissing, but actually sharing a bed with that lousy, good-for-nothing Kringle. Not so fun now is it? Is it?!?

Okay, maybe he wasn't St. Nick, but he was wearing the hat Goddammit! And for young, wacky Wayne it's enough to pick up a really fake-looking pistol and plug his mom and the fat fuck with the red cap that's sharing her bed. Mom - for the record - does show her bare chestnuts before she get's killed off by her Grinch of a son - Blaow humbug!

Now 18-years old and fresh out of juvenile detention, our maniac momma's boy moves next door to the real-life raven-haired scream queen playing a scream queen named Raven - Debbie Rochon. This is really convenient seeing as how Wayne (still crazy after all these years) has developed quite an unnatural obsession for the sexploitation starlet. He's even gone so far as to build a shrine to his beloved. What a guy.

After meeting Wayne, dumb-ass Raven is convinced the psychopathic; freak would make a great sitter for her kids, who are woefully neglected by their busy, working mother and their adulterous, slut-boffing father. In between sex scenes, nude scenes and wow-is-Wayne-a-wackjob scenes there's some murder scenes featuring Wayne clad in full Santa gear taking a gardening hoe to any half-dressed ho in his way. What a guy.

As for the kids, no worries there - trusty Wayne went ahead and fed the little bastards enough tranquilizers to keep a sleigh's worth of reindeer comatose through the New Year. What a guy!

There's so many tits and full-frontal exposure from ho-ho-hoe’s Lisa Delien, Christine Cavalier, Sue Ellen White, Terri Lewandowski and Miss Rochon herself, that you'll be decking the halls with something other than boughs of holly. Throw in jolly ol' Wayne's psycho-antics and episodes and you got yourself one holiday slasher flick that keeps on giving.

The film was presumably made in 1996, but the hairdos look suspiciously 1986.