Scratch (2004)

SKINOPSIS

Mutated rats, there's few catastrophes that can befall a community more terrible than an outbreak of these vicious little bastards. They're diseased, feral, and really icky.

In the case of a situation similiar to the one you will see in this film where a plague of mutant rodents descend on mankind, there are a few things you should know to protect yourself. Firstly, do not approach the rats. There is no reasoning with these guys. They are nothing like any rodent you've seen before. These things aren't Splinter, Mickey or even Sammy the Bull, they will not take pay-offs, cheese pizza or even a pair of little red shorts. No, there is nothing short of tasting your flesh and seeing your eventual demise that will satiate them.

Also, if you can acquire a mutant housecat or even say an adult lion, it may help with a genetically-engineered rat problem. Although in many cases it's best to call on a professional like sayyyy ... Robocop. If you do not have access to a super-beast or cyborg law enforcement officer then we would suggest that you scream loudly and then proceed to run, drive or skateboard the fuck out of their path of pestilence, death and absolute destruction.

Oh and ladies, if there's one thing these beasties like more than devouring human flesh - it's crawling under human female clothing and nesting. If you do not want that blouse you’re wearing to be the new mobile home for a happy, family of mutant vermin then it would benefit you to remove all articles clothing immediately. And for the love of God, please don't wait for the rat shit-storm to hit the fan - do it now!

Take a page from the ladies in this tender, German horror film. Anne Cathrin Buhtz shows her mouse bites while doing 'it,' Laura Venckeviciute gives a topless lap dance, and Edita Uzaite shares the tub with some furry friends. Either mutated rats are a bit more hygienic than their non-mutated cousins or they like Edita's T&A more than they mind being soapy.