5ive Girls

SKINOPSIS

The tagline is "5 girls. 2,000 demons. You do the math," when it should probably be something like - "5 girls. 1 proper tit shot. What the fuck?" Yeah jerk-weeds, we did the math and it adds up to 1 big disappointment.

For God's sake, this is a direct-to-video cheese cake production we're talking about ... What kind of twisted sadist would do something like this? What monster would cast these five fine-looking, relatively-unknown actresses, put them in cleavage-flaunting Catholic schoolgirl outfits, tease incessantly with hints of lesbianism and the occasional peek at a butt cheek (Spanking and the healing powers of booty rubbing) then add Ron Perlman and his fugly-as-fugly-gets mug (sans any cool monster make-up) only to include one suitable shot of a bare pair of puppies? In all seriousness, it's the stuff that murder sprees are made of.

And this whole spelling with a number thing wasn't cool when Se7en came out (waaaay back in 1995) - and it's even less so now. Particularly if your not going to show more than '2wo' bare breasts in the course of '1ne' B-grade movie.

96 (9inety-6ix) minutes ... 96 minutes of schoolgirl sex-kittens playing with black magic and cock teasing with near-nudity and suggestive behavior is one thing. We can handle that, we're all grown-ups here. But you throw motherfucking Hell-Beast in the mix and blue balls isn't even a possibility.