BloodRayne

REVIEW
In the realm of disastrous films based on video games, German director Uwe Boll is king. Hollywood apparently didn’t learn anything from House of the Dead or Alone In the Dark, as Boll takes the helm of yet another horror/thriller with Bloodrayne. This one is a medieval period piece about a sexy female dhampir (half human/half vampire) and her quest for revenge against her bloodsucking father played by, of all people, a pony-tailed Ben Kingsley. The oddball cast includes a host of familiar faces including Udo Kier as a kind monk, Meat Loaf as a vampire pimp, and Billy Zane as a treacherous count, in what comes across as a self deprecating parody of his acting prowess. Rayne the dhampir is played by Kristanna Loken (the female terminator in T3) who, between poorly choreographed fight scenes and visually annoying flashbacks, has time for a strangely placed topless sex scene. She is aided in her quest by a group of vampire hunters led by a long-haired Michael Madsen whose clunky dueling skills and uncharismatic deliveries easily prevent him from attaining shining knight status. Once the characters’ wrongs have been righted, viewers are subjected to a lengthy footnote featuring blood-soaked flashbacks seemingly made up of scenes found on the cutting room floor. This is Boll’s ultimate plea for viewer acceptance, which will surely be honored by a rare few. For the Uwe Boll fans out there the DVD includes an extra feature entitled “Dinner With Uwe Boll” in which he talks about his love for the Zucker Brothers and credits Marlon Brando as the inspiration for his career. Brando would roll in his grave if he heard that.