xXx (2002)

REVIEW
Celebrated, uber-hyped Diesel plays the heir apparent to James Bond in this weak, smug, disappointing action film as an extreme sports star who is called upon by his government to become a secret agent. His skills come into play when he motorcycles, snowboards (outrunning an avalanche) and mumbles his way out of danger at every turn. This should have been good, stupid fun, despite (even because of) its truly idiotic premise. But xXx is strictly for 13-year-old boys — exemplified by Diesel's scolding of a bad-shot cop: "Quit thinking police, and start thinking Playstation." (The Care Bears movies had more respect for their intended audience.) Diesel and Cohen's previous collaboration, The Fast and the Furious, managed to entertain the 13-year-old in most of us by displaying macho guys, cool cars and hot chicks with a knowing wink and a boatload of energy. Sadly, xXx is slow, with action scenes that are rote and unimaginative, despite their ridiculous excesses. As a solo lead, Diesel makes a terrific supporting tough, and the luscious Argento is wasted as "the girl." Dull and trendy, xXx will make certain that anyone old enough to carry a driver's license will be nodding off by the midway point.