Universal Soldier: The Return

REVIEW
An unbelievably bad (and noticably cheap) "sequel" to the mildly diverting 1992 film, Universal Soldier: The Return has little relation to the original and less to recommend it. Van Damme reprises his role as Luc Deveraux, a former cyborg who has to combat a handful of evil Unisols (White and pro-wrestler Goldberg) that have gone bad when a computer responds negatively to government cutbacks. Saddled with a vapid but beautiful female reporter-sidekick (Schanz), a daughter in the hospital, and his lousy English, Jean-Claude spends much of the film racing around and looking confused. He also fires some oversized guns and has a few lame kickboxing scenes. Devoid of thrills, this awful film is not even unintentionally hilarious. Jean-Claude's tired, ass-dragging performance proves once and for all that he is, indeed, getting too old for this shit.