Modern Vampires

REVIEW
A comic horror movie that is neither funny nor scary, Modern Vampires still has plenty of skin and gore galore to keep it from being a complete waste of time. This updated version of Dracula has Dallas (Van Dien, who coproduced) returning to present-day Los Angeles to recruit fresh young newcomer Nico (Wagner) into bloodletting, and stop Professor Van Helsing (Steiger) from making a killing. Meanwhile, Catrall vamps it up as a sexpot who ages rapidly and, in the film's most offensive scene, invites a gang of Crips (they are helping Van Helsing) to gang-bang her. Although Modern Vampires features a great, game cast, it wastes much of its talent, particularly Lyonne, who has a brief and pointless role as Wagner's girlfriend. This cheaply made production seems to have spent its entire budget on the buckets of blood, but director Elfman forgot to make any of the antics interesting.