Skinopsis

Franco takes on Amando de Ossorio's "Blind Dead" films (Night of the Seagulls, The Ghost Galleon, The Return of the Evil Dead and Tombs of the Blind Dead) and turns that bitch out, twisting a basic premise (that of evil templar monks) into his own decidedly fucked-up, fuck-heavy vision. And in one turn, Ossario's increasingly bland and shabby wallflower of films becomes Franco's horny lesbian dominatrix with a murderous mean streak a mile long.

Set in the Canary Islands, four frisky waitresses arrive for a lezzy getaway that they'll never forget. At first everything is all ass and titties (ie. cookies and milk, peaches and cream, cinna-bunns and sugar walls - you get the idea) for what must have been the most shameless pack of euro-sluts since the Spice Girls. They get all kinds of naked, they masturbate, they delve into a little bondage and they do more fur smoking than a flaming Robin Williams. One girl even pulls a pube out of her teeth after giving her girlfriend face. Yes!

But, like all good things, the fun soon ends and when the clamtastic four are lured away from their resort and into the bowels of a creepy 17th century monastary, they are besought by a horde of killer monks who may just be zombies ...or not. (Does it really matter? Ossario's were dead and blind and they sucked).

Once in the cloaked villians' clutches, the girls are bound in chains, gang raped and tortured in the worst way ... Think less tickling and titty-twisting and more cooter-carving.

Wound that never heals, indeed.

-- Paul James