Skinopsis

This over-the-rails Hollywood pervfest sometimes doesn't know what it wants to be, but who the fuck cares? You can fast forward every time Tom Cruise of Brad Pitt talks... unless of course Kirsten Dunst is on screen. Sure, she was twelve and it's kind of fucked up that we're even talking about this, but fuck it all, she's giving one of those "I dare you not to get turned on by my precocious, unapologetic sexiness" type performances. But fuck all that too, because the real treat comes when they're in Paris at the Theatre des Vampires and the vamps throw that really hot blonde babe (Laure Marsac) on stage and she's begging and pleading but the audience thinks it's a show. The vampires torment her while slowly stripping off her clothes and she's vainly trying to cover her boobs with her hands and crying and pleading some more, and then they strip off her skirt or whatever and she covers her bush with her hands (but not before we get a quick flash) and her boobs are just dangling and then they all feed on her naked flesh in front of the crowd. Damn, we just came in our pants just remembering it. It's like a little gem of exploitation thrown in the middle of a Hollywood mess and it's genius. There's also that nudie flash that makes Dunst wish she could grow up and some non-nude sexiness from Thandie Newton who gets her incredible boobs bitten. Yes, Brad and Tom suck the big one (Antonio Banderas too, but doesn't he always), but this movie is kinky as fuck and that alone is worth the cost of admission several times over.

-- Rick Stanko