Skinopsis

In a pefect world, Christina Lindberg's pristine, boobtacular naked body would appear in every movie. Not just every movie - every TV show, print ad, TV ad, dream, video game and morning commute. Sadly, this is not a perfect world. But, happily, she does get naked so goddamn much in this movie that, perhaps, we can take her nudie scenes here and spread them out amongst the mass of media out there and make the world a better place. Fuck, if everyone on Earth would just rub one out to Christina, we'd have world peace, the end of hunger and an actual Beatles reunion rolled into one.

Goddamn is she smoking fucking delicious! In this sordid flick, she's a not-too-bright teen who's being blackmailed by the same guy who forced her into prostitution in Thriller and spends large chunks of her free time exposing her legendary rack and massively fluffy muff outside, at parties and in sleazy bedrooms. At one point, she's chained to a bed and molested. At another point, she is roughed up and has her clothes ripped off in a car. She has her top pulled up at a party. Jesus, with all this glorious sluttishness, you'd think she wouldn't care much about the fully-nude pictures some dude has of her.

Hey! we just got a brilliant idea: if Christina is willing to be sexually degraded repeatedly to prevent nudie pics of her from surfacing, we should all buy this movie and bring it to her. Then, maybe we'll get to chain her to a bed with her huge hooters hanging out and bang the fuck out of her. Wait a minute, she's old now and we seriously doubt that she's as cougariffic as she was young, dumb and luscious. Somebody get to cloning this hottie ASAP and then let the en masse sexual blackmail begin!

-- Rick Stanko